Lady Macbeth’s Diary Essay

What an utter disaster. What should have been a dignified occaion to mark my husband’s crowing, has ended up with confusion. His first great ceremonial state banquet has been ruined. The guests arrived and were asked to take their places. To begin with things seemed very organised. then all of a sudden he began talking to thin air. People will think he’s insane. My part in persuading him to kill the king had been crucial that is why I can’t understand why he didn’t tell of his plans to kill Fleance and Banquo. Afterall, if it wasn’t for me the murder of Duncan would have been an absolute disaster . I practically murdered him myself. I â€Å"drugged the possets† of the grooms sleeping in the outer chamber; I laid the daggers ready; all he had to do was the deed itself. Then I found him with two blood-stained daggers which should have been left with the grooms, the supposed murderers. He was terrifed and incapable of returning to the murder scene so I had to do so, smearing the grooms with blood. When I returned I found him transfixed with thoughts of blood and guilt and once again I took charge of the situation. I told him to go and wash the blood from his hands. Perhaps he genuinely wants me to be innocent of Banquo’s murder. Maybe it is his way of protecting me. It could be that he couldn’t handle me being in charge of Duncan’s murder. He might want to prove that he can still do things for himself. My ruthless determination to make him king has overcome all his doubts. What has happened to the man I married, who was a noble, brave and loyal subject of the rigtful king? I know he is a man of great bravery, even of savagery on the battlefield, however, he seems a different man. He’s a great warrior who’s used to making life-and-death decisions. He is a man of action but gets confused when he loses his sense of right and wrong. Yet his murders are â€Å"unmannly†. Maybe he is just a really evil man. Maybe he is so mixed up that he cannot sort out the difference between right and wrong. Perhaps he is under the power of the witches. Maybe he does not know what to do and is acting on the spurof the moment, without really thinking too much. Until now I was much more determined and strong. I now find myself on the edge. Unlike earlier I would have been able todo the most terrible deeds, I feel that now that I could not have even carried out the murder of Duncan myself because the sleeping Duncan reminds me of my father. I am not a monster, i’m simply a wife trying to protect encourage and support my husband. He says he is afflicted by terrible dreams. He seems almost to envy the dead King Duncan, who he says, â€Å"sleeps well†. Although Duncan is dead, Macbeth says that at least nothing can hurt him any more. His sleep is becoming tormented: â€Å"O full of scorpions is my mind†, Banquo seems to him like a poisonous snake and his life is diseased, a â€Å"fitful fever†. Macbeth is king and I am his Queen we have achieved everything we’ve ever wanted. We are supposed to feel happy, excited and at the peak of our lives. Instead we feel threatened and unsafe. Our happiness is â€Å"doubtful†. He no longer tells me anything and trusts no one. He feels so advanced on this murderous course of action that ( like wading across a river of blood ) it is as easy to go on as it is to go back.